I want to feel again to have this burst of sunshine on my cheek after a long winter, I want the darkness to be a new comer and not have crossed many times the bridge bellow the earth. I want to let sleep take me the way it used to take me when I was little, one more time.
The man was a time bomb. I couldn’t touch him without the risk of a calamity, a deflagration bigger than anything I could imagine. A storm and it clouds so full of darkness inside my own throat, spreading to my lungs and brain as it seemed spreading in his mind.
His eyes were thick glass porthole weathered by massive downpours as I saw him as a lost boat rocked by jagged waves. On deck you could almost hear the strain of the chains and ropes holding up the mass and his effort to control it. Down below, a memory full of old stuffs still oiled and conditioned hiding away while doubt was rusting off on the surface. The cargo was bursting of adventures and wild visions tamed by self-doubt.
I realized that my own deck was unruly full of a passion I could never controlled and embarrassed by feelings of not being enough.
We were in the thick of the storm both chaos, and for a short moment I became like him in quest of controlling it, in need of order… Then I remembered who I really was and that control wasn’t meant for me, the sky became liquid and dripped on my shoulder.
It was time to embrace the tumult so I gave up the fear, and lay against him.